https://youtu.be/VvWtbTMgvgs
Reflection on the feedback from pitch #1:
I had some great feedback on my first elevator pitch. What stood out was someone mentioned my age and basically said it could be a benefit. I had never thought of that but in todays society usually people that are better at social media are younger. It made me add this in my pitch, it might be small but I think it could help show a benefit that I had never really seen before. Also I was struggling with my hook and someone suggested to add a statistic about how and why gyms fail. Although I did not add a statistic it did help me change my whole pitch. I was also surprised at how many times I said "right" its one of those words that I don't even notice I am saying but I agree it was distracting and I decided to make an effort to not say it as much, I probably said it a handful of times but I am pretty sure it is better than last time.
What I changed:
Again I make a conscious effort to not say "right" after every sentence. In an elevator pitch you want the customer to be focused on your idea and service and not get distracted and I think that is one thing that could definitely be distracting. I also changed how I began my pitch by stating why gyms are struggling and how my company can help. I also added in some little things like stating how my age can be a benefit and adding in how many people join gyms through Facebook ads, little things that I think can help at credibility.
Hello Lucas,
ReplyDeleteI noticed that you cut back on the word “right” to the point I didn’t even noticed you used it. I know these elevator pitches are difficult, because you may have different demographics to pitch the same service to and you only have one video. It’s hard to address all types of gym owners in one pitch.
With that said, I don’t know the age of the owner or how long he or she has owned the gym. What I do know is that most gym owners are very self-confident, competitive, and prideful. I would assume you are speaking to someone older by the statement, “we’re young, so we know social media”, I would suggest as a 35-year-old, that statement may come across as, your old and don’t know, therefore you need our service. Also, coupled with your statement that “we are fit” limits your staff to “young” and “fit”. Not sure this will be legally possible due to discrimination laws. I would just leave the qualifiers out and just mention that you know how to capitalize with the use of social media and that your company specializes in CrossFit or fitness gyms. I do not believe being young or fit adds any credibility to your sales advantage. There is no evidence that, because you are young, you know social media or if you are fit, that you know anything about a gym. One more thing, I would suggest that you sould say we have a proven sales record, instead of stating, “sales is easy”. Sales is not easy to most people and this could come across as insulting, especially when you are trying to convince them they need help in sales. The points you are making are correct, but the approach needs some polishing up. Overall, great tone, good flow, and volume/inflection.
Tony
Hey Lucas,
ReplyDeleteI noticed a lot of improvement in your delivery especially in providing a more relaxed and casual approach. You did seem to cut back a lot on the filler words such as like and right and this did not go unnoticed. This pitch was a major improvement and as I have been commenting very often on your posts, I must say that I am noticing a lot of improvement not only in your idea but in the way you deliver your thoughts on it as well.
Roberto
Lucas,
ReplyDeleteYou were very relaxed and calm which made it clear that you had practiced this pitch. When I think of gym owners I think of very high wired people with a lot of motivation. Maybe you could have been a little more up beat in your pitch. Like I said, it was a great delivery but that excitement could make it a little more effective. I also liked how you mentioned an interview that you had done.